Middleearth From 3 Pounds a Day
by Alisyn
Summary: Your complete guide to planning the perfect Middle-earth vacation on a budget! All the best hotels, restaurants, and tourist sites in one place--from just 3 pounds per day!
1. Introduction and Contents

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MIDDLE-EARTH FROM 3 POUNDS A DAY

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You hold in your hands a complete guide to Middle-earth. Enjoy all the wonders of this wonderful continent [planet? what IS Middle-earth supposed to be?] and spend only 3 measly pounds every day! All the choice hotels, pubs and restaurants, museums, and other tourist-y places. Also, a special coupon for your _I WENT TO MIDDLE-EARTH AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY T-SHIRT_ t-shirt, available exclusively from _Middle-earth From 3 Pounds a Day_.

**Contents**  
-- Lothlorien: Anduin Cruise and other attractions  
-- Rivendell: Tourist sites and historic landmarks  
-- The Shire: Adorable Little Hobbit-Holes  
-- Choice Pubs & Restaurants  
-- The War of the Ring Museum  
-- Field of Athelas  
-- Crack of Doom hike 


	2. Lothorien: Anduin Cruise and other attra...

**LOTHLORIEN: ANDUIN CRUISE AND OTHER ATTRACTIONS**

Visit the lovely Elven dwelling of Lothlorien--Lorien of the Blossom, between the rivers Anduin and Celebrant. Beautiful scenery, including the astounding _glowing trees_! A great chance to brush-up on your Sindarin. The very place where Galadriel used to live! Historic landmark. Take a cruise down the magnificent river in the Elven-boats of Lorien, identical to the boats the Fellowship used during their great Quest.

While you're in Lothlorien, you'll want to visit the magnificent building where Galadriel and Celeborn used to dwell. Look around Lorien and you will find many memoirs of Galadriel. Look into an exact replica of the Mirror of Galadriel. See paintings and photographs, even a model, of Nenya, the Ring of Water, which the Lady bears. Sample the Elven waybread, _lembas_. In the Lothlorien Gift Shop, you'll find many exciting items including your own Ring of Power, box of dirt (like the one given to Master Samwise), and Phial of Galadriel!*  
*Price of gift items not included in daily 3 pounds. 

COST: 2 pounds per person, group discounts available.  
LOCATION: Lothlorien  
TOURS: Every day of the week but Monday, 3-hour tours leave 10 AM, 4 PM, and 8 PM. Three people per boat. Reservations required, phone 464-7549 today for your own adventure down the Anduin! 


	3. Crack of Doom Hike

**CRACK OF DOOM HIKE**

Now _you_ can experience the adventure that Frodo and Sam did as they journeyed deep into Mordor! Because Sauron has already been defeated, it's perfectly safe. Take a bus from the border of Mordor to the base of Oroduin, aka Mount Doom, stopping on the way at Barad-dur to look at the tower and buy pretzels. The old tower is still magnificent to see. It's easy to imagine how terrifying it would have been with orcs all over the place!

From the bottom of Mount Doom, a tour-guide takes the group all the way up the mountain to look into the Crack of Doom, an amazing sight. The footsteps of Frodo, Sam, and Gollum are outlined on the ground, a historic memorial. It's so exciting to know that you are stepping exactly where those legendary people did so long ago.

Remember to pack a lunch, because the group picnics there next to the deep fiery chasm. Don't worry, parents, there is a [broken, drooping, spindly] railing! We wouldn't want another person falling in! No tourists or guides have died yet, not to worry.

COST: 2 pounds per person. Perfect, one leftover for a pretzel!  
LOCATION: Mordor  
TOURS: All-day hike. Group leaves 9:30 AM, finish about 5:00 PM. Remember to bring with you a lunch and a water bottle. With water in it, by the way. Reservations recommended, there's a limit of 15 people for public tours. Phone 958-3538 to experience the thrill and adventure for yourself! 


	4. Pubs & Restaurants

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PUBS AND RESTAURANTS

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We want your Middle-earth vacation to be the best it can possibly be. To make it a little easier, we have compiled this list of the best pubs and restauants to be found in Middle-earth. We searched far and wide to find only the very best for you.

1. _Immortality 4 U_ Restaurant  
LOCATION: Lorien  
Set among the trees in the beautiful, peaceful elven-city of Lothlorien, this is a lovely setting for a romantic dinner. It was founded after the WR by Arwen and Aragorn. Candle-light in the evenings, or sunlight streaming in during the day, you'll enjoy the silent beauty of the Elves. This is especially enjoyable right after floating down the Anduin (see the chapter entitled 'Lothlorien: Anduin Cruise and other attractions'). Winner of the Galadriel's Choice award, 1481; and the Tall Pretty Elf-Short Ugly Dwarf's Nice Place to Eat award, 1539.   
  
2. _Brandybuck & Took_ Restaurant and Pub  
LOCATION: Edoras  
Founded by Peregrin and Meriadoc just before the death of King Eomer in the fall of 1484 (Fourth Age). It changed hands after that year, when Merry and Pippin went to Gondor, but the quality is the same. Warm and welcoming, and comfortable inside. Nice family place--remember not to let the kids drink! Not that there's any experience with that, mind you. Merry and Pippin weren't only tiny children when they got drunk at the Prancing Pony, heh heh. Anyway, this place serves food from all over Middle-earth that the founders had on their journeys. Winner of the King Eomer's Favorite Pub Award, 1484; the Strider Would Walk Really Far to Get Here award, 1486; and the slightly biased Took-Brandybuck Best Pub award, 1484.   
  
3. _The Prancing Pony_ Inn and Pub  
LOCATION: Bree  
The very inn where Frodo, Samwise, Meriadoc and Peregrin arranged to meet Gandalf that fateful night--the 29th of September, 3018 (Third Age), as can be proven by a signed photo of the four hobbits with the words _Fellowship Members Ate Here_. Historic landmark! Winner of the Took-Brandybuck Best Pub award, 1447; Whitfoot Ribbon, 1462; and Best Place for a Hamburger, 1465.   
  
4. _Mortal My Foot_ Restaurant  
LOCATION: Rivendell  
This is the best burger in town! Founded by Elrond after Arwen's decision to stay with Aragorn, if you hadn't guessed. Absolutely charming inside, delicious hamburgers, or if you're in a hurry, try the drive-through. If you choose the latter, make sure you speak clearly; after hitting 4,000 years old Elrond has gotten a bit hard of hearing. Don't tell him I said so, his restaurant is wonderful nonetheless! Winner of the Strider Would Walk Really Far to Get Here award, 1487; the one-time Yeah Dad We Forgive You I Still Love You award; and the Back From the Dead for Your Burger award, 1488 (from Gandalf).   
  
5. _ The Hungry Hobbit_ Inn and Restaurant  
LOCATION: Gondor  
Founded by Beregond in 1430, this place is named for Pippin, who befriended Beregond, and first of all upon their meeting asked of food. The inn rooms are comfortable and bright; the food in the restaurant is excellent, enough to satisfy a _hungry hobbit_. Oh, I crack myself up. Winner of the Took-Brandybuck Best Pub award, 1435; the Strider's Glad He Doesn't Have To Walk Far to Get Here award, 1485; and the one-time If He Likes It I Like It Too award (from Arwen). 


End file.
